Takin' out the Trash

The setting was Lions Field on a chilly October evening. The '07 softball season was winding down and the playoffs were upon us. Pre-season experts picked the Clean-Up Crew to roll through the competition and don another championship t-shirt. Not so easy was the road. After stumbling into the postseason with a 2-2 record the Crew was not firing on all cylinders, but like any championship caliber team they rose to the occasion when it mattered most.

Starting the evening off was a routine pre-game stretch at Chili's. Team Skipper Regina "You guys are amazing" Fisicaro pondered her line-up over a few cocktails. What she assembled was an offensive Juggernaut that left pitchers trembling and had air traffic controllers changing landing patterns at SFO. The first game of the evening was against an old opponent. The Dirty Dozen had to feel good about their chances since this is a game that involves underhand pitching. Unfortunately the Crew put up 13 runs in the top of the 1st and never looked back. The offensive attack was led by none other than Bryan "Has that sum bitch landed yet" McKevitt. His brutal attack on the Lions Field outhouse has league officials thinking of moving the fences back to San Bruno Mountain. Like all good line-ups there was power provided from both sides of the plate. Matt "Moonshot" Schaukowitch manned 1st base and generally scared the shit out of any runner we had at first base during his at-bats. Timely hitting was delivered by the entire line-up en route to a 28-6 ass whoopin' to get us into the chipper against the Softballers.

The nightcap was all about pitching and defense because hey we all know thats what wins championships. Mike "Peck-Peck" Peckham threw a series of chronically devastating pitches that left the Softballers green with envy. His focus and concentration, even with a squirter in box, left a good feeling with all Hall of Fame voters. His battery mate Janice "105 humpability rating" Lopez called one of helluva game. Adding clutch hits and running the bases like lightning is her game and she let the league know she is hitting her prime softball years. Holding down the hot corner was none other than Annette "I'm not getting in front of that one" Fragomeni. This writer once wrote she was a key free agent acquisition, but now she has come into her own as a force to be reckoned with. Realizing the fruitcakes on the other squad were aiming for her she silently baited them into ripping line drive after line drive until one of their own was pegged while occupying 3rd base(Props to that chick for popping up and trying to score with only 1 leg). The double play combo up the middle consisted of Ryan "White t-shirt" Brooks and Sarah "MVP" Muscat. Interviewing the SS after the game he only had this to say "Sarah sets the pace and I just try to keep up". Truer words have never been spoken. Whether it was ripping liners in the gap or turning double plays on her own this gal has cemented her place in Clean-Up Crew folklore. Roaming the outfield was Kevin "No outs" Kuehner and Mark "4H" Schaukowitch. I caught up with the head of the 4H club after the game and was told of the damage. Two Hydrangeas and a goat were the final tally. I'm sure it will be expensed by the CHP since it did happen withing a mile of 101. Kevin brought his stick and most importantly his ears to the yard last night. Playing in the OF next to the Skipper requires a good set of eyes and a Dr. Phil psychology degree. Helping Regina through her "I'm sorry" phase and catching an occasional flyball is all that was asked and he delivered beautifully. Jarrett "Hold on I'm getting a call" Laws handled the 1st base coaching duties and without his sage advice nobody would've taken the extra base. The paid attendance for the game was 7 folks(plus the scorekeeper)and that was just enough to witness another championship for the Clean-Up Crew. The offseason rumblings of players opting out of their contracts and possible trades will work itself out before next spring. For right now though "We are the Champions"

Monday Morning Rant

Let's start this rant off with a nice big "Fuck you" to Alex Rodriguez and his parasite agent Scott Boras. Once again those two have found a way to make me say "Down in front" while I am watching the MLB playoffs. Leave it to Fox's annual Douchebag of October Joe Buck to spend the late innings of Game 4 talking about some a-hole who can't even make it to the World Series. Rodriguez will be forfeiting the final $72 million of his contract to go find greener pastures. Now I am sure that people out there will say "Wouldn't you be interested if someone wanted to give you a $300 million contract?". To them I say of course, but I haven't made $170 million already playing baseball for 14 years. When is it enough? He'll be the first sports figure ever to sign TWO 9 figure contracts and still not come up clutch when his team needs him. He'll smile pretty for the cameras and do more commercials and have an accent when it suits his needs, but he'll never be a team player. I bet the happiest guy in NY is Derek Jeter. Now he doesn't have to cover for Rodriguez sorry ass when he doesn't carry his weight......Congrats Red Sox. You won another title. Now please go away. No seriously get the hell out of here. I'm tired of watching your homeless guy out in LF toss his batting helmet while he runs the bases. I want to punch the TV whenever I see your dork of an owner cover his ears because the stadium is too loud for his whittle ears. Also I have lost my fondness of nutriders like Royce Clayton being wired for sound during the Great Taco Steal of 2007. If I have to hear one more announcer compare Jason Varitek to a soldier in the armed forces I am going to wage my own personal Jihad. There are a few things I enjoy about Boston. Dustin Pedroia, Jacoby Ellsbury and Bobby "Fucking" Kielty. That's it!......Another weekend of football has passed and the Patriots killed another JV team. This week people will talk the Colts-Pats game to death and thats fine. To the Patriots it will be just another speedbump on the way to their 4th SuperBowl. No more talk of anyone else winning it this year. Barring an injury to Tom Brady this shit is over. Hopefully they can go 16-0 and get those damn '72 Dolphins off their pedestal......Could it actually happen? Will the justice system finally catch up the OJ? Only time will tell, but with all his accomplices turning states evidence it's only a matter of time until the lights turn out on the Juice......College football is a joke. I enjoy a good game and last years Boise State bowl game is one of the best football finishes you will ever see, but this season is lost. No team is a clear cut #1, but someone will unfortunately be crowned with 1 loss. One of these days the BCS will be tossed out and a playoff will be implemented. Hopefully I am not 75 years old when this happens......Did the NFL really send the Giants and Dolphins to London? Was this to downgrade footballs stock overseas? You would be hard pressed to find a worse game to show over there. The final score of 13-10 must've been riveting to all those 'fans' across the pond. Having the winning team's QB throw for a whopping 59 yards must've planted the seeds of greatness in a few young blokes. It should've been Rams v Dolphins. At least someone would've celebrated like it was the Super Bowl for getting in the win column. I bet the over/under on years back that game set football is 25.....The kiss of death came for the Rockies during their 8 day lay off. Not because of any rust that set in, but because the Manning brothers endorsed them. It would be difficult to think of two people I wouldn't want on my side more than those 2 guys. One is an over-caffeinated audible calling egghead(probably one of the greatest QBs of all-time)and the other is a wimp who looks like he may cry at any moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah two of the Rockies players backed them up in college. That is worthless information that was regurgitated 25 times during the Series. Next time I root for a team I am going to check and see what celebrities have jumped on the bandwagon......My final venom shot is directed at the Red Sox RF. I have spent many an afternoon yelling at this guy from my seat at PacBell and the Oakland Coliseum. I didn't like him when he spurned the Phils for more money when they drafted him(Due to the prick who represents Alex Rodriguez) and I sure as hell can't stand someone who opts out of deals they sign to go get more money. Now I have learned that this posers real name is David Jonathan Drew. That's right it's DJ Drew! No longer will I refer to him as JD since I do not have dyslexia. The fact that folks play along with this and call him JD is beyond me. Hey guys I want you to call me Darryl from now on. That's not your name. I know, but I feel like changing it up a little so just call me that. Okay buddy. Yeah that conversation sounds just as ridiculous to me as it does to you. That is all.